My life may be a "Kalamansi" but it is indeed sweet.
- a random collection of thoughts, Ideas, recipes, music and everything that makes my life a living dream.
I accidentally found this blog on my draft folder, I was surprised that I haven't published it yet until now. Maybe because it's too poignant, this was when my Dad died 10 months after Mom and my daughter went back home to attend the funeral and I was left alone drowning in my sorrows.
Here it is, sharing it to the world...it's part of who I am now and what I have become.
Going Down the drain
Have you heard about the saying "You are in the midst of a crowd yet you feel alone"?
Lately I've been experiencing that, as if I am getting nowhere, lost and abandoned.
The more I tried getting to that position where everything is going great..
The time before Mother fate have given birth to the twin tragedy that made my life upside down
and rock my world to the core..back to the time, I haven't had a taste of Death that close.
I lost my rock, the woman, my mother who can weather all the storms and strong gusts of winds
The one who worked 24/7 to make ends meet. The father I held dear to my heart my security, my love. I've lost the energy, the motivation...
I even tried drowning all these by entering another relationship that only made it worst.
I expected too much and gave to much too soon...thinking it will drown all my sorrows.
But I was wrong....wrong....wrong...wrong!!
God is taking all my lifeline...He's putting me in a place of solitude..so I can be still and know that he is God.
To finally listen to him and listen well...He's not talking yet..because maybe I am not ready yet..
But I am starting to get the point. GPS, still reads....RECALCULATING.
Sweet Kalamansi: STAR-CROSSED LOVERS: What do these couples have in common? ❤ Romeo and Juliet ❤ Anthony and Cleopatra ❤ Samson and Delilah of the Bible ❤ Tristan and Isolde...
❤Romeo and Juliet ❤Anthony and Cleopatra ❤Samson and Delilah of the Bible ❤Tristan and Isolde (Iseult) ❤Paris of Troy and Helen of Sparta from The Iliad. ❤Oedipus and Jocasta of Oedipus ❤Hero and Leander - Greek Mythology ❤Lancelot and Guinevere of the Round Table ❤Zero and Iris of Megaman X4
They are all, Star-crossed lovers whose relationships ended, tragically..
❤ So, I guess I can include YOU and ME to the list.
"To me the term simply means, a tragic end to a love relationship. I don't believe in luck, fate, serendipity, or chance - I believe everything in life has a purpose, reason and meaning. I believe, two such people are not together because somewhere, at a higher spiritual level, they chose not to be together even though at the human conscious level, they tried to make it work. But the primary or root belief always exists at the spiritual level and it is what wins out in the end despite all the wishful thinking we might have, despite all of our desire for an alternate outcome - what the soul wants, the soul gets. That is where free will is at, that is where the choice is made, that is what will transpire. The rest of the story is just drama, unfolding petals of a flower we call tragedy. The soul does not know tragedy, it only knows that it experiences the results of its choices, without feelings, without remorse or regret. And as far as stars is concerned, is that anything like getting head on the head and seeing stars? When you think about things this way, you begin to feel more like a puppet than anything else...and just because you cannot see what is clearly going to happen, does not mean it will not, despite everything you do to the contrary" - JIM of Yahoo answers
"You Could Be Happy"
You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
More than anything I want to see you, Boy
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
I once asked God...No, begged God for me to feel what love really is..
I was in a relationship that was DEAD and I felt nothing..I was a zombie..
wondering if Love really do exist? I used to believe everything I read.
That love is wonderful, it makes your life colorful...makes you feel the natural highs..
Just one glance, just one touch, just one smile and your world is complete.
I cried myself to sleep wishing for these to happen even just once before I die.
I was so lonely inside a relationship because all I have is a piece of paper and nothing more.
Then I met you..you fascinate me...I looked at my ideal list but you failed it..
But there was this feeling I can't explain...it's as if my universe was aligning around yours.
I feel giddy and excited just seeing your messages...all my senses are awakening...
I have feelings that were foreign to me...I was confused, I like them yet I hated them.
I am losing control...losing common sense...losing what I know that are best for me.
I fought the feeling...fought it hard...you see...you were not ideal for me. You are too cocky.
Too secretive...too shady..too hard...you are borderline heartless sometimes....yet...
Once in a while I will see a side of you that is sweet and thoughtful and love of family.
Those were the stuff that finally got me into thinking that maybe...just maybe you are more than
what you make me believe.
That first kiss....it was raining....it felt like I was melting..I never thought my heart was on ice
and it's thawing...it was painful and it felt good at the same time...my heart filled with this feeling that I thought was impossible, yet....it's there! the extra beat...I started analyzing myself and was denying it still..was it just chemistry? I was not attracted to you physically then but we had a good mental rapport.
It was from our first fight that I found out I was "in-love" I've been hurt in the past but it was not like that..I never felt that gut-wrenching pain so excruciating I was bawling my eyes out for the just the thought of not seeing you ever again...I fell madly, deeply kick-in-the ass in-love with you...
Loving you is like riding a roller coaster, ups and down, twist and turn...sometimes I felt like giving up.
I tried so many times to get away from you but it's like trying not to breathe...eventually I will give-in once more and take a good dose of oxygen. You are my drug, you are my poison, you kill me then you will kiss me to life again...and again...and again..
Is it worth it? all these pains and tears versus some days of love and laughter?
Is it worth getting to know what love really is?
Yes and NO...Though I am glad that I had the opportunity to "feel"....
I can't be on the roller coaster all my life..eventually the ride will end
and I will step on SOLID ground once more where I know myself better and live life as I know it.
I thank you though for the greatest ride of my life...it was exhilarating while it lasted.
I love you still and I think I will love you forever but I am done, baby.
I never thought Tragedy spells with: U..N..ME!
GRAVITY:
Lyrics: Something always brings me back to you It never takes too long No matter what I say or do I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone
You hold me without touch You keep me without chains I never wanted anything so much Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain
Set me free, leave me be I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity Here I am and I stand so tall I'm just the way I'm supposed to be But you're on to me and all over me
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile When I thought that I was strong But you touch me for a little while And all my fragile strength is gone
Set me free, leave me be I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity Here I am and I stand so tall I'm just the way I'm supposed to be But you're on to me and all over me
I live here on my knees As I try to make you see That you're everything I think I need Here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe Though I can't seem to let you go The one thing that I still know Is that you're keeping me down You're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me and all over Something always brings me back to you It never takes too long
A couple of days ago...I faced a crossroad. There I was standing at the falling Rain Facing the forks on the road..... To my left here is this life that is easy and safe Where I will live my dreams.. and to my right, a life that is rough and unstable It was the hardest decision I ever made But I did it..
I wish I had a formula to calculate the sum I wish I am a fortune teller, so I will know the future But I only have my heart to guide me and nothing else. So I chose the rough and unstable road..
I already started feeling the rocks beneath my feet Feeling the hot rays of the sun and the cold blowing of the wind. I can feel my heart beat the extra beat..the unhealed wound starts to bleed again. My tears started falling until I am almost blinded by them..
Then I heard your call... That familiar sound like music to my ears.... You met me halfway and the moment I smelled you, I was home. It hit me then....YOU never left...you never gave up, good and bad.
I looked back the at road on my left...it was beautiful... I saw him standing there where he stood...didn't moved at all In his eyes I was a failure..I failed him..I am not up to par. I was not perfect so he gave up....
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